link party ♢ weekly wishes #6

...time has run away with me, in just three short days I will be boarding a plane that will fly me into the next phase of my life. Eeshk!

I'm going to be a Londoner again and my heart could burst I'm that excited.

Today is a flurry of folding and packing, checking off lists and re-organizing piles.

And for making big decisions on what is important enough to bring and what can be let go of and left behind.... both literally and symbolically.

I've decided to dedicate today's weekly wishes link up to a few affirmations for 'London V.2'~ just a little contract with myself that will help me make the absolute most of this move and avoid returning down paths best left in my past:

△ Be a present participant, not a passive observer of my own life~ looking back over the past couple years I recognize that there have been times, moments and events which I have not taken an active part in and enjoyed to their fullest potential. By continually practising mindfulness I won't be a passive participant any longer, instead I'll make an effort to be present and active in each precious moment.

△ Keep one eye on my heart and one ear on my soul~ I've learnt the hard way that ignoring something that your soul is screaming for doesn't lead to anywhere good. We have a little inner guru working away inside of us that only has our best interests at heart. It's tricky to tap into what he's telling us at times but it's a necessary tool and well worth the practise.

△ Cultivate connections: friendship, communication, intimacy, conversation. All are vital to happiness and sense of self worth. Don't ever neglect them or shut them out. 

& don't be afraid to reach out, there'll always be someone there to hear you, whether you believe it or not.

△ "Change is a present activity, not a future event"~ This motivational quote has helped me no end in these last few months of healing and growth. These are words to live by and draw from in those moments when I just feel like phoning it in. 

Thanks again to the inspirational Mel for this wonderfully motivational link-up~ the posts I've written for them have unwittingly ended up being some of the most cathartic and therapeutic posts I've written!

Her blog is also a massive resource for positivity, honesty and self love. 

Go check The Nectar Collective and get your own spoon of honey!

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Hitch your wagon to Stars in Jars!

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link party ♢ weekly wishes #5

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Sometimes I wish I could hammer a nail into the centre of my forehead and wear a sign there that reads "Work in progress". 

Thanks to Melyssa's lovely link-up I've been reminding myself daily that it's really ok to trip up and fall down, to muddy my cheeks and scuff up my boots. It's the striving for better-ness along the way that counts. I don't believe that a 'perfect' human being exists, rather our whole lives are one big never-ending journey of self-improvement.

Last time I posted my 'Weekly Wishes' I said I wanted to focus on strengthening my heart chakra by practising forgiveness, love, contentedness and yoga.

Two weeks flitted by and I thought I did pretty good; I bit my tongue when I got frustrated with my parents, I offered to hang out with my young cousins while they are on summer vacation when I would rather have had a Woody Allen marathon, I made concious efforts to put my own convenience to one side in order to make others around me happy.

So far, so "pat me on the back for ain't I good".

Yesterday morning I received my first negative comment.

A lady posted a comment telling me she couldn't finish reading because of my "foul language" and that I wasn't her "cup of tea".

I was stung.... embarrassed, hurt, angry, ashamed. 

 My knee-jerk reaction was "oh my god I've offended someone and the evidence is all over my dirty little blog for all to see...delete, delete, DELEEEETE!"

I deleted her comment and enabled comment moderation for the first time ever. I basically did everything short of running and hiding under my duvet while at the same time telling myself I'd done the right thing by ignoring her and getting rid of any evidence that there could possibly be someone out there who might not dig me or my blog.

But, as the day went on the comment and my reaction to it stuck in my throat like a bad taste. I couldn't shake it.

I started to wonder if I really had done the right thing.

 Was I really being honest with myself by deleting the comment, or my readers for that matter? Is the best response to negativity or criticism to run and hide from it? Was this the reaction of a strong, assertive, self loving person?

No, no...no.

I wish I could go back and un-delete that comment. Deal with it in some other manner or thank her for her honesty, even!

I shouldn't place so much importance on what one person thinks of me or on the impression I want to make on a lot people I don't even know.

 This is my space, my creative outlet. I can write well written and meaningful posts or sloppy posts or drop the occasional S-bomb here and there if I feel so inclined and not expect rainbows to be shot up my ass by every single person who finds themselves reading. 

And I refuse to edit myself! This is me. I can swear and belch AND write about my spirituality and self-improvement at the same time. I won't hide what I'm about and I'll make no apologies. 

I can't please everyone.

 And that's okay.

This is my new promise to myself: Don't shy away from criticism, face it head on and take it on the chin like a bad-ass.

Now, I'm off to disable my comment moderation ^.^

Wanna join the party every Monday?

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don't mind if I do, Mercury

Are we all here? Everyone make it out alive?

You're here reading this so I'm guessing that you did but I'd just go ahead and check your wit and wisdoms are all in order if I were you.

In case you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, until a week ago Mercury was in retrograde.

For us earthly folk this occurrence signals all manner of personal and professional jiggery pokery.

Since the planet Mercury symbolises truth, travel, communication and clear thinking and when a planet goes 'retrograde' it appears to travel backwards in the sky, these things can start to go a bit cuckoo bananas for some us. A bit of a planetary shit storm if you will.

Scan back in your memory between June 26th and July 20th. Anything seem a bit "off" to you?

Were you feeling cloudy and tongue-tied? Experienced problems with travel plans or electrical equipment?

Trouble communicating in your relationship or on the receiving end of wrong information in your personal life?

These are all effects of the pandemonium caused by that little silver planet going retrograde.

BUT, my sources tell me, Mercury in retrograde can also present an opportunity for major emotional and intellectual breakthroughs. A chance for us to, essentially, "get our karmic shit together".

During those weeks that the cosmos spent tripping out I spent a lot of time walking the back-roads behind our house at the magic hour, catching some terrific captures of the sun sinking down behind the treetops along the way. As I pounded the pavements, listened to my music and drank in the sunsets I had ample time to think. To mull over my past and ponder on my future and mentally karate chop some of the doubts and fears holding me back from moving forward.

The outcome? I have a one-way plane ticket booked for London Gatwick in a few weeks time.

It's been nigh on four years since I last lived in the Big Smoke and my heart swells whenever I think about moving back.

So many haunts to revisit, streets to trample down, curry houses to frequent.

How do I begin to describe London? I'd say it's a bit like trying to grab hold of the wind... but here are a few snapshots of my favourite bits + pieces from the place that I am, once again, proud to call home...

<<Brick Lane>>

{{The Shampan curry house on Brick Lane~favourite ^.^}}

When I was 25 years old I announced to my Mom that I was finally ready to fly the coop. A week later I had moved in to a teeny wee bedsit in a tower block near the bottom of the infamous Brick Lane in East London. 

While it can err on the side of being too urban/hipster for it's own good, I will always and forever love this little corner of London for it's utter and unapologetic diversity. You can walk through a multitude of cultures, colors, styles, foods and tastes on just one single cobble-stoned street.

 Pop-up vintage markets and street festivals, book stands and street food riddle Brick Lane on the weekends and you can treat you retinas to Banksy art and graffitied walls, your taste buds to curry house fare and bagel stores and your ear drums to boom-boxed jazz to live Jamaican kettle drums.

In particular I can't wait to refresh myself after an afternoon's browsing with a mint tea in one of the several spit-n-sawdust tea rooms where you can take your pick from worn leather armchairs or Indian-style floor pillows. As I said, diversity definitely is the key word where Brick Lane is concerned!!

<<Notting Hill Carnival>>

I'm seriously happy that I will be back in London this year in time for the annual carnival in the streets of Notting Hill. 

Sequins and jerk chicken and calypso music, oh my!!

Plus the local upper crust loosen up for a few days and throw open the windows of their million pound apartments to have jamming sessions on their windowsills.

Can't beat that, friends!

<<London Fields Park>>

The sunshine suits London to a T and she wears it like a slutty dress.

The only thing to do when the summer is doing what it does best is to pack a picnic and go people watch in the green grass of London Fields. 

Strawberries, clotted cream and scones are non-negotiable!

If it's possible I just made myself even more excited to return!

So thank you for the mind-buzz, Mercury. An open invitation to take your future bull by the horns? Don't mind if I do!

London's calling...

Toot Toot!!

>.<

link party ♢ weekly wishes #4

This week I suffered a personal setback in regards to my application for the degree course I wanted to start this year. After sitting down with the prospectus, a notebook and a calculator I realized that the total monthly fees are going to be higher than I first thought and will be way out of my budget. My heart fell in to my feet when I realized this and that night I tossed and turned till 5 am, mind churning, feeling deflated and disappointed and angry at myself for not realizing sooner.

The following morning, after beating myself up over it all night and feeling pretty exhausted and low-spirited I turned to my best critic and biggest supporter. I talked to my Mom.

How do Mom's do it? After talking it through with her I felt stronger and more determined than ever. This is just a setback. I may not be able to do this particular course, but there will be another course I can do that better suits my budget. It's not defeat, it's simply back to the drawing board. I suppose I have a tendency to catastrophize situations; here I was thinking my dream lay shattered into tiny splinters at my feet. My Mom simply  bent down, picked up the pieces and rearranged them to make a slightly different picture, and I love her for that.

For this week's Weekly Wishes challenge I want to focus on something that will help redirect my mindset and emotional reactions and ultimately help me on my path to following my dream.

I've been teaching myself about the different chakras recently and I've learned some wonderful methods of opening the heart chakra which I think will benefit me in all aspects of my life.

This week I will challenge myself to apply the following methods to awaken my heart chakra because for me, to practise these in your daily life is to be a better, loving, and more accepting person...

~5 Ways to Open Your Heart Chakra~

1. Be love~ don't be a martyr, allow yourself to be loved, especially by yourself

2. Give love~ love others, love unconditionally and unselfishly and whether they are deserving of it or not

3. The grass isn't always greener~ like the quote says "comparison is the thief of joy", be happy with your lot

4. Practise yoga~ camel pose is a great one for clearing a blocked heart chakra

5. Forgive~ even if they are not sorry, let go of past anger, hurt, grief. Don't look back, you're not going that way.

~~~

I think that by trying my hardest to adhere to these pledges this week will definitely be a challenge, but it will help me to let go of certain things I don't need to carry any more and which may have been holding me back in my journey this far.

I'll be back next Monday to let you know how I got on.

If you read the first three words of the previous sentence and thought of Terminator then I love you and we should definitely be friends.

Peace

x

link party ♢ weekly wishes #3

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Time for Round 3 of Melyssa's Weekly Wishes link party!

My last wish was centred around an application I posted for an online Nutrional Therapy degree course that I want to dedicate the next 4 years to.

Guess what folks, I got an interview >.<

SO, I guess my wish this week will be that I prepare well and pull off the Skype interview so that they respond with a big fat "hell YEAH lady, we want you on our course, come on down!"

 Or a simple "your application has been successful" will suffice too I suppose!

While it is scary putting my personal goals and dreams out there for all to see every week, especially the prospect of being unsuccessful and looking like a failure,  it is at the same time a great push to get myself out there and try extra hard. If I kept this to myself I possibly wouldn't be as motivated, comfortable in the knowledge that if I don't get it then it doesn't make a difference because nobody knew about it anyway. Writing about it keeps me on my toes, keeps me hungry, gives me that extra little fight to really step up to the challenge and achieve something good.

It's not too late for you to jump on the Weekly Wishes gravy train, if for no other reason than to happen upon some really awesome blogs. I've definitely gained a few new additions to my Bloglovin reading list from clicking and commenting on blogs in this link up. 

Give it a try!

{{p.s ~ Google reader has officially shut up shop, so if you haven't made the switch already you can follow Stars in Jars on Bloglovin here ^.^}}

link party ♢ weekly wishes #2

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Time for round 2 of Melyssa's weekly link party!

I'm pleased to say I did really well with last weeks promise to keep up with the daily yoga challenge I signed up for.
There's a quote I love from Joseph Pilates: "You are only as young as your spine is flexible".
  I love to see those pictures floating the internet of 80 year old women who are in wonderful shape and can still contort into the most impossible asanas~ proof of the truth behind this statement. I like to keep this quote and those images in my mind's eye whenever I feel like shirking my daily practise.

Today my weekly wish is based around a big brown envelope I dropped off at the post office today.
5 years ago I developed a keen interest in Nutrition which  has ballooned  into a desire to pursue it as a career choice. After 5 years of procrastination and talking about it I have finally bitten the bullet and filled out an application for an online degree course in Nutritional Therapy.
After much mulling over with my Mom about how this will eat up the next 4 years of my life and income I have decided the end goal is so worth it. I will be able to begin a career in something I am truly passionate about.

My wish this week is that the universe will send back a positive response to my brown envelope and send me down a new and exciting path in my life.

Fingers, toes and eyes crossed >.<

link party ♢ weekly wishes #1

I'd like to take a long moment in this post to introduce you to a purdy young lady I have had the pleasure of acquainting with through this funny ol' blogging world.

Meet the lovely Melyssa of The Nectar Collective.

I "met" Melyssa earlier this year when I came across her blog and instantly connected with her as she is a fellow expat teacher in an Asian country. Even though she currently teaches in Japan while I used to teach in South Korea, I instantly related to her blog posts about the struggles and breakthroughs of living, essentially, as an 'alien' on another planet.

Not only that but her blog is peppered with beautiful crafts, recipes, adventure stories and, my personal favourite, her 'Musings From Monja' series where she chronicles (hilariously) life as viewed from her cutie pie dog Monja's eyes and all the thngs that "really get my nub wagging".
 Leaves me rolling around in happy tears every. single. time. 
(I challenge you to go read about the poop barf and not chuckle)

Anyhoo, fawning aside, you should check the gal out. She wins the internet in my book.

Which is why I will be taking part in her Monday Link Party: 'Weekly Wishes'...

Each Monday Melyssa will host this link up over on her blog and she is inviting one and all to share their personal  wishes/goals/challenges/promises with each other. I can't wait to click through to some new blogs, maybe find a new favourite, and also read what goals people are making each week and gain some inspiration from them.

This will be my first contribution to the Weekly Wishes link up and I am going to start this week by challenging myself to be vigilant and keep up with the free 30 day yoga challenge I signed up for yesterday.

Apparently this Weekly Wishes has come at just the right moment in my life because it's personal challenges like this that make me hold myself accountable when I sign myself up for things and then end up not doing them. Case in point, I was emailed my first yoga video this morning and I still haven't done it ~.~

I was, however, very proud of myself for sticking to my one week raw cleanse which I posted about yesterday.

I had a bit of interest about my eating schedule since posting that so for any who are interested just leave me a comment or email me on tremblingstarz {at} gmail {dot} com and I will send you my 7 day recipe plan which I made to follow every day of the cleanse.

The plan breaks down the week day by day and gives recipes for all meal times; some  recipes are taken from the book I was following and some were from recipes found on Pinterest, including raw blended tomato and coconut soup and lemon chick pea avocado salad.

Just drop me a line if you're wanting to cleanse and I'll shoot it to you lickety split.

Peace!

x

clean, green diet

{spinach/tomato/mozzarella salad w/ pine nuts + mixed seeds}

{poached egg w/ granary toast, sliced tomato + avocado}

{wholewheat spaghetti w/ basil, cherry tomatoes, pesto + goats cheese}

{salad w/ spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, roasted bell pepper, avocado, pine nuts + goats cheese}

{baked sweet potato w/ sour cream, sun-dried tomatoes + mixed seeds w/ stir-fried mushrooms, chickpeas + spring onion} 

{grilled mackerel w/ couscous, spinach + chick peas}


I'm pleased as punch that I have stuck to my clean eating regime since coming back home.
My plates are green, leafy and spring-colored with plenty of oily fish, fresh veggies and good fats.
I'm feeling the benefits of good nourishment, green smoothies, herbal teas and free range eggs.
I won't deny myself guilty pleasures~ I love bread and pasta for example, but I'll only eat wholegrain varieties. And the cheese is non-negotiable!

We've been having lots of April shower weather on this damp green island... slow moving days with half-shut curtains and open fires.
A girl could get used to spending every day in her pajamas!
& being surrounded by sleepy puppy-dog goodness ^.^

on turning thirty

Hello there April 2013, how on earth did you get here so quick?

You're sudden arrival marks the month I will say so-long to my twenties and turn the big three-o.

I told my body to stop at 25 but it seems to have stubbornly marched on with the aging process anyhow.

It's with a certain ambivalence that I approach this milestone in my life.

My twenties has been a reckless decade, filled with abandon and reverie, travel and experience, passion and love and friendships and heartaches.

 It's been wild, it's been beautiful, and I regret nothing.

At this tipping point between my final few weeks as a twenty-something and becoming a thirty-something, I'm less preoccupied with getting older than with refocusing my life goals.

I'll take that first wrinkle, the extra cellulite and the random hairs that start to spring up in unexpected places.

That's the unending march of time and there's not one of us that can do anything to change that.

What I can do is look back on the last ten years and learn from them.

While my twenties were wonderful, they certainly weren't without faults.

 There were mistakes and bad judgments, naive decisions and just plain wrong choices. There were times were I presented myself in a way that I have since been ashamed of.

However none of those were a waste as long as I learned a little something from them and use them as a marker in my future choices and decision making.

This is my first promise to thirty year old Louise...be accountable and learn from your past mistakes.

I feel like I dealt with my twenties the way I'd deal with a large bowl of salty caramel ice cream with hot fudge sauce. Savoring every spoonful, enjoying the flavor and the smell and the coolness of it and licking the bowl out at the bottom.

I've reached the bottom of the bowl.

So that flavor was amazing, but what do I want to try next? I'd like to use this new phase of my life to take care of myself, my mind and my body could do with a little less recklessness and a little more TLC.

I want to be kind and to love and to show appreciation.

 To practice acceptance with the past and to always remember that all of my experiences to date, the bad and the good, have shaped the woman I am today. 

I want to focus on the things I am good at and shape them into a career that I will love and be passionate about. I want to marry my love and be a mama and fulfill that ache I've been feeling for the past few years whenever I see a beautiful baby. 

I want to write and create, to surround myself with beautiful people and things and above all to make myself proud.

If my twenties were caramel and hot fudge I'll take my thirties without the hot fudge.

Still delicious, still to be savored and enjoyed, but a tad less unhealthy.

And that, friends, is something I'm ready to celebrate

 ^.^

heart sabbatical

This past year since I arrived back in Korea has been a full one, packed like a bulging suitcase with  extremes; extreme highs , extreme lows, landmarks and downfalls in both my personal and love life. Things of which I have alluded to on here but not given the full un-edited version.

Sadly, for the past few months the bad moments have overtaken the good, and while I could brush them off like raindrops before, now I feel as if I'm caught up in a full blown rainstorm. 

For these reasons I have made the difficult decision to cut my contract with my school early and take some time off to go home and be with my family. To give myself the time and space for my heart to recover, for wounds to heal.

Living in a foreign country has the most amazing benefits in terms of life experience and rich memories to treasure but when things turn sour it can be a lonely, lonely position to be in.

Right now I'm looking forward to returning to the familiar, the loved ones, the comfort of my real home.

I hope you guys keep following me while I'm on my healing heart sabbatical.

My parents live in the rural countryside of Ireland, the perfect place for relaxation and wound-licking!

And gosh how I can't wait to give my parents a big koala-bear hug! 

strawberries and turquoise

After Monday's post I have been making small and conscious efforts to savor the tiny and precious moments during my day which I would have otherwise let slip into the part of my brain that doesn't retain memories.

Today as I travelled home from work I studied the faces of the people I shared my subway carriage with, I noticed the pretty turquoise pattern of the subway station's floor tiles, the ornate window grill, the fresh strawberries for sale on the street.

I'm having a little strawberry floor picnic as I type this, taking the time to experience the taste and texture of each one as I sit here typing and listening to Patti Smith. Really listening, taking in the lyrics, gleaning what I can from them. Because this is another of my faults; when I hear music I don't make the effort to absorb the words, instead letting the melody wash in to one ear and out of the other.

Mindfulness is on my mind.
Can you tell?
I'm working on it and it feels pretty good.
Thanks to all for your words of encouragement.
I savor them as much as these strawberries.
 >.^

chasing sunsets

Happy monday, friends!

I feel I should say that to you, because Monday is such a bugbear isn't it?

Of all of the 7 days in our week Monday is the bête noire, the nuisance, the one to just get out of the way.

As I sat in my empty classroom at 9am this morning eating my porridge from a Sesame Street bowl I was already dreaming of 6 o'clock when I could put my coat back on and go home.

Wishing my life away, in effect.

When that golden hour arrived and I rushed out of the school and onto the subway with my mind set on getting home and putting my yoga pants and the kettle on I didn't stop to people watch, to reflect on my day, to be present. 

It was only when I exited the subway and was stricken by this beautiful, whipped pastel dream of a sunset that I stopped, stood, appreciated and contemplated.

One moment, in my entire day, that I did that.

And that, friends, wrapped a great blanket of melancholy around me.

Because I realized in that one solitary moment that I have been failing miserably in two of my aspirations for this year; learn to be more present and in the moment and practice mindfulness.

I shouldn't chase the sunset.

I should be present for all of the moments in between me getting out of bed in the morning up until I see that sunset.

I shouldn't count the minutes but be an active observer of them: paying attention to every emotion, every sight, sound and smell. Every child's smile or teacher's words, every 5 year old's hug or the way the light reflection changes through the window with the passing hours.

What a sad thing to let these moments pass by unnoticed, to let them fade un-acknowledged and unappreciated into another Monday 'done and dusted'.

Presence.

It sounds so easy.

Tomorrow I will try harder.