living heavy//travelling light

Hello again.

Excuse, if you will, the chorus of crickets that have consumed this blog these last few months.

Truth be told, I almost never made my way back here and even now it feels a little like I'm trying on an old dress that doesn't quite fit any more.

For a while there it seemed like life and it's wicked sense of humor had been pulling some of it's best moves to trip me up and send me out of step with the music. I let a few key events get the better of me until I literally stooped beneath the sad & sorry personal rain cloud I was totin'.

My bad run culminated in the death of my beloved Nana Kitty on Sunday who was, and will ever be, my hero. 

Coming back to Ireland for the funeral has slid all of my bad luck into a new perspective and I realize that any heart sickness I might feel now will somehow, over time, evolve into the footnote to a new, and happier, tale.

During a particularly rotten week when I was ready to crack some skulls my family whisked me away with them for a few days in Weymouth on the South coast of England. It's incredible what a dose of sea breeze, fresh, salty lungfuls of air and several rounds of tea and crab sandwiches can do for the bluest of the blues.

So here's to wiping the slate clean, picking myself up after yet another tumble, and finding comfort in old dresses.

link party ♢ weekly wishes #6

...time has run away with me, in just three short days I will be boarding a plane that will fly me into the next phase of my life. Eeshk!

I'm going to be a Londoner again and my heart could burst I'm that excited.

Today is a flurry of folding and packing, checking off lists and re-organizing piles.

And for making big decisions on what is important enough to bring and what can be let go of and left behind.... both literally and symbolically.

I've decided to dedicate today's weekly wishes link up to a few affirmations for 'London V.2'~ just a little contract with myself that will help me make the absolute most of this move and avoid returning down paths best left in my past:

△ Be a present participant, not a passive observer of my own life~ looking back over the past couple years I recognize that there have been times, moments and events which I have not taken an active part in and enjoyed to their fullest potential. By continually practising mindfulness I won't be a passive participant any longer, instead I'll make an effort to be present and active in each precious moment.

△ Keep one eye on my heart and one ear on my soul~ I've learnt the hard way that ignoring something that your soul is screaming for doesn't lead to anywhere good. We have a little inner guru working away inside of us that only has our best interests at heart. It's tricky to tap into what he's telling us at times but it's a necessary tool and well worth the practise.

△ Cultivate connections: friendship, communication, intimacy, conversation. All are vital to happiness and sense of self worth. Don't ever neglect them or shut them out. 

& don't be afraid to reach out, there'll always be someone there to hear you, whether you believe it or not.

△ "Change is a present activity, not a future event"~ This motivational quote has helped me no end in these last few months of healing and growth. These are words to live by and draw from in those moments when I just feel like phoning it in. 

Thanks again to the inspirational Mel for this wonderfully motivational link-up~ the posts I've written for them have unwittingly ended up being some of the most cathartic and therapeutic posts I've written!

Her blog is also a massive resource for positivity, honesty and self love. 

Go check The Nectar Collective and get your own spoon of honey!

Wanna join the party every Monday?

Click below!

Hitch your wagon to Stars in Jars!

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link party ♢ weekly wishes #5

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Sometimes I wish I could hammer a nail into the centre of my forehead and wear a sign there that reads "Work in progress". 

Thanks to Melyssa's lovely link-up I've been reminding myself daily that it's really ok to trip up and fall down, to muddy my cheeks and scuff up my boots. It's the striving for better-ness along the way that counts. I don't believe that a 'perfect' human being exists, rather our whole lives are one big never-ending journey of self-improvement.

Last time I posted my 'Weekly Wishes' I said I wanted to focus on strengthening my heart chakra by practising forgiveness, love, contentedness and yoga.

Two weeks flitted by and I thought I did pretty good; I bit my tongue when I got frustrated with my parents, I offered to hang out with my young cousins while they are on summer vacation when I would rather have had a Woody Allen marathon, I made concious efforts to put my own convenience to one side in order to make others around me happy.

So far, so "pat me on the back for ain't I good".

Yesterday morning I received my first negative comment.

A lady posted a comment telling me she couldn't finish reading because of my "foul language" and that I wasn't her "cup of tea".

I was stung.... embarrassed, hurt, angry, ashamed. 

 My knee-jerk reaction was "oh my god I've offended someone and the evidence is all over my dirty little blog for all to see...delete, delete, DELEEEETE!"

I deleted her comment and enabled comment moderation for the first time ever. I basically did everything short of running and hiding under my duvet while at the same time telling myself I'd done the right thing by ignoring her and getting rid of any evidence that there could possibly be someone out there who might not dig me or my blog.

But, as the day went on the comment and my reaction to it stuck in my throat like a bad taste. I couldn't shake it.

I started to wonder if I really had done the right thing.

 Was I really being honest with myself by deleting the comment, or my readers for that matter? Is the best response to negativity or criticism to run and hide from it? Was this the reaction of a strong, assertive, self loving person?

No, no...no.

I wish I could go back and un-delete that comment. Deal with it in some other manner or thank her for her honesty, even!

I shouldn't place so much importance on what one person thinks of me or on the impression I want to make on a lot people I don't even know.

 This is my space, my creative outlet. I can write well written and meaningful posts or sloppy posts or drop the occasional S-bomb here and there if I feel so inclined and not expect rainbows to be shot up my ass by every single person who finds themselves reading. 

And I refuse to edit myself! This is me. I can swear and belch AND write about my spirituality and self-improvement at the same time. I won't hide what I'm about and I'll make no apologies. 

I can't please everyone.

 And that's okay.

This is my new promise to myself: Don't shy away from criticism, face it head on and take it on the chin like a bad-ass.

Now, I'm off to disable my comment moderation ^.^

Wanna join the party every Monday?

Click below!

link party ♢ weekly wishes #4

This week I suffered a personal setback in regards to my application for the degree course I wanted to start this year. After sitting down with the prospectus, a notebook and a calculator I realized that the total monthly fees are going to be higher than I first thought and will be way out of my budget. My heart fell in to my feet when I realized this and that night I tossed and turned till 5 am, mind churning, feeling deflated and disappointed and angry at myself for not realizing sooner.

The following morning, after beating myself up over it all night and feeling pretty exhausted and low-spirited I turned to my best critic and biggest supporter. I talked to my Mom.

How do Mom's do it? After talking it through with her I felt stronger and more determined than ever. This is just a setback. I may not be able to do this particular course, but there will be another course I can do that better suits my budget. It's not defeat, it's simply back to the drawing board. I suppose I have a tendency to catastrophize situations; here I was thinking my dream lay shattered into tiny splinters at my feet. My Mom simply  bent down, picked up the pieces and rearranged them to make a slightly different picture, and I love her for that.

For this week's Weekly Wishes challenge I want to focus on something that will help redirect my mindset and emotional reactions and ultimately help me on my path to following my dream.

I've been teaching myself about the different chakras recently and I've learned some wonderful methods of opening the heart chakra which I think will benefit me in all aspects of my life.

This week I will challenge myself to apply the following methods to awaken my heart chakra because for me, to practise these in your daily life is to be a better, loving, and more accepting person...

~5 Ways to Open Your Heart Chakra~

1. Be love~ don't be a martyr, allow yourself to be loved, especially by yourself

2. Give love~ love others, love unconditionally and unselfishly and whether they are deserving of it or not

3. The grass isn't always greener~ like the quote says "comparison is the thief of joy", be happy with your lot

4. Practise yoga~ camel pose is a great one for clearing a blocked heart chakra

5. Forgive~ even if they are not sorry, let go of past anger, hurt, grief. Don't look back, you're not going that way.

~~~

I think that by trying my hardest to adhere to these pledges this week will definitely be a challenge, but it will help me to let go of certain things I don't need to carry any more and which may have been holding me back in my journey this far.

I'll be back next Monday to let you know how I got on.

If you read the first three words of the previous sentence and thought of Terminator then I love you and we should definitely be friends.

Peace

x

link party ♢ weekly wishes #3

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Time for Round 3 of Melyssa's Weekly Wishes link party!

My last wish was centred around an application I posted for an online Nutrional Therapy degree course that I want to dedicate the next 4 years to.

Guess what folks, I got an interview >.<

SO, I guess my wish this week will be that I prepare well and pull off the Skype interview so that they respond with a big fat "hell YEAH lady, we want you on our course, come on down!"

 Or a simple "your application has been successful" will suffice too I suppose!

While it is scary putting my personal goals and dreams out there for all to see every week, especially the prospect of being unsuccessful and looking like a failure,  it is at the same time a great push to get myself out there and try extra hard. If I kept this to myself I possibly wouldn't be as motivated, comfortable in the knowledge that if I don't get it then it doesn't make a difference because nobody knew about it anyway. Writing about it keeps me on my toes, keeps me hungry, gives me that extra little fight to really step up to the challenge and achieve something good.

It's not too late for you to jump on the Weekly Wishes gravy train, if for no other reason than to happen upon some really awesome blogs. I've definitely gained a few new additions to my Bloglovin reading list from clicking and commenting on blogs in this link up. 

Give it a try!

{{p.s ~ Google reader has officially shut up shop, so if you haven't made the switch already you can follow Stars in Jars on Bloglovin here ^.^}}

link party ♢ weekly wishes #2

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Time for round 2 of Melyssa's weekly link party!

I'm pleased to say I did really well with last weeks promise to keep up with the daily yoga challenge I signed up for.
There's a quote I love from Joseph Pilates: "You are only as young as your spine is flexible".
  I love to see those pictures floating the internet of 80 year old women who are in wonderful shape and can still contort into the most impossible asanas~ proof of the truth behind this statement. I like to keep this quote and those images in my mind's eye whenever I feel like shirking my daily practise.

Today my weekly wish is based around a big brown envelope I dropped off at the post office today.
5 years ago I developed a keen interest in Nutrition which  has ballooned  into a desire to pursue it as a career choice. After 5 years of procrastination and talking about it I have finally bitten the bullet and filled out an application for an online degree course in Nutritional Therapy.
After much mulling over with my Mom about how this will eat up the next 4 years of my life and income I have decided the end goal is so worth it. I will be able to begin a career in something I am truly passionate about.

My wish this week is that the universe will send back a positive response to my brown envelope and send me down a new and exciting path in my life.

Fingers, toes and eyes crossed >.<

link party ♢ weekly wishes #1

I'd like to take a long moment in this post to introduce you to a purdy young lady I have had the pleasure of acquainting with through this funny ol' blogging world.

Meet the lovely Melyssa of The Nectar Collective.

I "met" Melyssa earlier this year when I came across her blog and instantly connected with her as she is a fellow expat teacher in an Asian country. Even though she currently teaches in Japan while I used to teach in South Korea, I instantly related to her blog posts about the struggles and breakthroughs of living, essentially, as an 'alien' on another planet.

Not only that but her blog is peppered with beautiful crafts, recipes, adventure stories and, my personal favourite, her 'Musings From Monja' series where she chronicles (hilariously) life as viewed from her cutie pie dog Monja's eyes and all the thngs that "really get my nub wagging".
 Leaves me rolling around in happy tears every. single. time. 
(I challenge you to go read about the poop barf and not chuckle)

Anyhoo, fawning aside, you should check the gal out. She wins the internet in my book.

Which is why I will be taking part in her Monday Link Party: 'Weekly Wishes'...

Each Monday Melyssa will host this link up over on her blog and she is inviting one and all to share their personal  wishes/goals/challenges/promises with each other. I can't wait to click through to some new blogs, maybe find a new favourite, and also read what goals people are making each week and gain some inspiration from them.

This will be my first contribution to the Weekly Wishes link up and I am going to start this week by challenging myself to be vigilant and keep up with the free 30 day yoga challenge I signed up for yesterday.

Apparently this Weekly Wishes has come at just the right moment in my life because it's personal challenges like this that make me hold myself accountable when I sign myself up for things and then end up not doing them. Case in point, I was emailed my first yoga video this morning and I still haven't done it ~.~

I was, however, very proud of myself for sticking to my one week raw cleanse which I posted about yesterday.

I had a bit of interest about my eating schedule since posting that so for any who are interested just leave me a comment or email me on tremblingstarz {at} gmail {dot} com and I will send you my 7 day recipe plan which I made to follow every day of the cleanse.

The plan breaks down the week day by day and gives recipes for all meal times; some  recipes are taken from the book I was following and some were from recipes found on Pinterest, including raw blended tomato and coconut soup and lemon chick pea avocado salad.

Just drop me a line if you're wanting to cleanse and I'll shoot it to you lickety split.

Peace!

x

RᐱW

Look at this array of rainbow foods~ ruby red tomatoes, perfect pink raspberries, vibrant green leafies and pop of yellow bananas. 
Food that shines and glows. 
Last week I finished a 7 day raw cleanse which left me shining and glowing from the inside out.
I loved every single bite, the abundance of energy and the feeling of lightness I was left with after the week was out and will definitely be cleansing like this once every few months ongoing.

Here is the cleanse template, a few snaps of my meals and a special smoothie recipe for any who are looking to detox, purge sluggish livers and revitalize their energy levels this summer:

7 Day Rejuvenation Cleanse

>>>>Your Daily Schedule<<<<

Every morning upon waking immediately drink 1 pint of water.

>>>Breakfast<<<

v 32 ounces Blended Green Smoothie AND

v Abundant raw fruits

>>>Lunch<<<

Your choice of:

v Fresh salad with seasonal vegetables OR

v Blended raw soup OR

v Raw entrée

>>>Snacks<<<

     vFruit v Herbal tea

   v Vegetable juice v Nuts + Raisins

    >>>Dinner<<< 

    Your choice of: 

v Life Cleanse Smoothie or veggie juice AND 

v Fresh seasonal salad AND/OR 

v Blended raw soup OR 

v Raw entrée

Raw entrée// Stuffed bell pepper

Seasonal salad// Grape + Mango 

Raw dessert// Almond Chia seed cup

Raw Green salad

<<<<< Coco Date Banana Shake >>>>>

{{Toss 8 pit-less dates, 1 ripe banana, 200 mls of light coconut milk, a handful of cacao nibs and a few ice cubes in to a blender and whiz into a sweet, frothy, coconut milky frenzy}}

The first 2~3 days of the cleanse were the toughest and I really was craving a hot meal or at least some grilled fish with my salads, I also hankered for my usual breakfast staples of oats or muesli.
However these cravings fell away surprisingly quickly and it was very interesting to realize how bloated I am by a lot of things I eat such as bread and pasta. I felt incredibly light and flat stomached by the end of the cleanse and I noticed a huge difference in the energy I brought to my work outs too.

None of this prevented me from rewarding myself with a huge bar of salted dark chocolate when the week was finished though ^.^

I signed up for the 30 day yoga challenge at Do You Yoga today. Can't wait to get started on it!

clean eating inspiration

{{mango + avocado salad}}

When I began this post it was purely going to be a recipe post for a delicious chocolate avocado pudding  and an update on my clean eating regime. However, as I thought about my current eating habits I realised how they tie in with the story of my last few months in South Korea and how I came to leave my job and move back in with my parents for some much needed recovery from the bashing my mind, body and metabolism had been though.

It's a tough story to recount, and even though I'm not 100% comfortable with baring my soul like this on-line, I think it will be a cathartic and healing practise for me to write it.

Perhaps some of you who read this will have had similar experiences.

I've been interested in superfoods, clean eating and nutrition in general for many years now. Throughout my twenties I have managed to maintain a constant low weight through a combination of diet and yoga.

And then last year happened. I started a new job at the beginning of my third year in Korea. The hours at my new school were crushing, the responsibilities and workload were threefold that of my previous school. At the end of every work day I was mentally and physically beat. I would stay up as late as I could every night, despite being exhausted, just to try and delay the moment when I would have to wake up and do it all over again.

 Needless to say my health and fitness habits became sloppy to say the least. Instead of using exercise to combat my work based stress I turned to all the quick fixes~ smoking, take-outs, boozy nights out after work. 

Before too long my health started to suffer, not only physically but mentally. It was around this time that my anxiety disorder became out of control, I couldn't visit a shopping mall or supermarket without having a panic episode. I decided, after 15 years of refusal, to seek pharmaceutical help for my stress and anxiety.

Two prescriptions later I was heavily medicated on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds, wired from my crazy work schedule, still drinking and eating unhealthily. 

9 months in to my contract I began to unravel.

My relationship suffered, my friendships suffered, I was suffering. I was burnt out, strung out on the medication, constantly sick with something and abusing alcohol to mask all the pain and disappointment I felt with myself.

When I put myself in hospital after one night of complete despair a big decision needed to be made.

And so here I am... back home, in therapy, off meds, working out and eating clean.

I'm back on track and ever, ever so thankful for the love and support of my family right now.

Now, more than ever, I realise the importance and quick-fire benefits of a good diet and active body.

When I stepped off that plane from Korea and entered Arrivals to meet my parents my Mom said she was shocked at my appearance; I was pale, thin, listless, the sparkle gone from my eyes. I had zero energy and would need to nap for a couple of hours if we did as little as go out to do some food shopping. I've never felt so zapped and depleted in my life.

But since I've got back on track and readjusted my lifestyle I feel one million times better.

I notice it in my hair, my skin, my energy levels, my mood.

Even my breathe, as gross as that is!

The fact is  (for those of you still with me!) my diet has been the cure-all remedy for all of the stress, anxiety and despair that I was going through.

It's always easier to reach for the cigarette or the slice of pizza, or to crack open a can to help you relax. But the truth is none of those things contribute towards your well-being. They will only contribute towards a second rate version of you, and who wants that?

I hope this post doesn't sound preachy. I just wanted to share my personal experience and journey.

And so I don't miss the complete point of my original post~ here are a few of my favourite and even peculiar healthy eating inspirations from Pinterest. 

{+ I will return shortly with the pudding recipe!}

Here's to eating yourself happy!

^.^

{{basil + peanut butter on wholemeal roll}}

{{date + coconut oatmeal topped with banana + dark chocolate}}

{{grilled grapefruit topped with honey, ginger + cinnamon}}

✜ Goodbye Millie ✜

It's been a dull, heart-heavy past few days here. Sadly we had to have our baby Maltipoo Millie put to sleep on Friday morning.

It was a truly terrible shock that none of us were expecting and my stomach still clenches like a fist to think that she is gone so suddenly.

She spent her first few days with us normally, playing and licking and running around the house like a normal healthy puppy, but after a few days we noticed her interest in food, water, playing with Jess and even us start to lower dramatically. She was listless, withdrawn and slept the majority of the day in her bed.

Worried, we took her to the vet who couldn't dioagnose a specific problem and said perhaps she had a stomach bug and told us to keep her on a hot water bottle and syringe her meals in to her to get some food in her stomach. After a couple more days of force feeding with no sign of improvement my parents took her back to the vet, she was so fragile, like a baby bird, and we could feel every bone in her body.

When my parents came home they didn't have Millie with them and from one look at their faces I knew what had happened. 

Apparently Millie had meningitis and there was nothing that could be done.

We lost our sweet little bundle of fluff and I'm still trying to make sense of it, we only had her a week but she was completely ours and we were hers and it feels a little more empty in this house without her here.

All we can do is to take all the love we had for her and focus it on this little rascal, Jess, who became so sweet and caring towards Millie in her last few nights.

It was almost like she knew.

clean, green diet

{spinach/tomato/mozzarella salad w/ pine nuts + mixed seeds}

{poached egg w/ granary toast, sliced tomato + avocado}

{wholewheat spaghetti w/ basil, cherry tomatoes, pesto + goats cheese}

{salad w/ spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, roasted bell pepper, avocado, pine nuts + goats cheese}

{baked sweet potato w/ sour cream, sun-dried tomatoes + mixed seeds w/ stir-fried mushrooms, chickpeas + spring onion} 

{grilled mackerel w/ couscous, spinach + chick peas}


I'm pleased as punch that I have stuck to my clean eating regime since coming back home.
My plates are green, leafy and spring-colored with plenty of oily fish, fresh veggies and good fats.
I'm feeling the benefits of good nourishment, green smoothies, herbal teas and free range eggs.
I won't deny myself guilty pleasures~ I love bread and pasta for example, but I'll only eat wholegrain varieties. And the cheese is non-negotiable!

We've been having lots of April shower weather on this damp green island... slow moving days with half-shut curtains and open fires.
A girl could get used to spending every day in her pajamas!
& being surrounded by sleepy puppy-dog goodness ^.^