mi casa

A little peek inside my new Chiswick residency!

 I can't tell you how good, and grown up, it feels to live in an an actual house again. After years of living in tiny Korean studio apartments and my room in my parent's home, to have so much delicious living space is kinda rocking my world right now.

I'm slowly adding twigs and feathers to my new nest. My bedroom is a work in progress, I've had a blissful few days re-watching Girls season 1 + 2 on the laptop while slowly unpacking and decorating. I'll be doing an IKEA run tomorrow to pick up some furnishings and doo dads to bring it all together and make it my own. All these months of pinning home decor will finally be put to good use as I'm full of ideas!

Hey! Did you vote for Stars in Jars to win the Free People UK Guest Blogger competition yet?

I was overjoyed to be selected for the final three and I sure would appreciate your vote!

2 seconds of your time por favor!

link party ♢ weekly wishes #6

...time has run away with me, in just three short days I will be boarding a plane that will fly me into the next phase of my life. Eeshk!

I'm going to be a Londoner again and my heart could burst I'm that excited.

Today is a flurry of folding and packing, checking off lists and re-organizing piles.

And for making big decisions on what is important enough to bring and what can be let go of and left behind.... both literally and symbolically.

I've decided to dedicate today's weekly wishes link up to a few affirmations for 'London V.2'~ just a little contract with myself that will help me make the absolute most of this move and avoid returning down paths best left in my past:

△ Be a present participant, not a passive observer of my own life~ looking back over the past couple years I recognize that there have been times, moments and events which I have not taken an active part in and enjoyed to their fullest potential. By continually practising mindfulness I won't be a passive participant any longer, instead I'll make an effort to be present and active in each precious moment.

△ Keep one eye on my heart and one ear on my soul~ I've learnt the hard way that ignoring something that your soul is screaming for doesn't lead to anywhere good. We have a little inner guru working away inside of us that only has our best interests at heart. It's tricky to tap into what he's telling us at times but it's a necessary tool and well worth the practise.

△ Cultivate connections: friendship, communication, intimacy, conversation. All are vital to happiness and sense of self worth. Don't ever neglect them or shut them out. 

& don't be afraid to reach out, there'll always be someone there to hear you, whether you believe it or not.

△ "Change is a present activity, not a future event"~ This motivational quote has helped me no end in these last few months of healing and growth. These are words to live by and draw from in those moments when I just feel like phoning it in. 

Thanks again to the inspirational Mel for this wonderfully motivational link-up~ the posts I've written for them have unwittingly ended up being some of the most cathartic and therapeutic posts I've written!

Her blog is also a massive resource for positivity, honesty and self love. 

Go check The Nectar Collective and get your own spoon of honey!

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link party ♢ weekly wishes #5

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Sometimes I wish I could hammer a nail into the centre of my forehead and wear a sign there that reads "Work in progress". 

Thanks to Melyssa's lovely link-up I've been reminding myself daily that it's really ok to trip up and fall down, to muddy my cheeks and scuff up my boots. It's the striving for better-ness along the way that counts. I don't believe that a 'perfect' human being exists, rather our whole lives are one big never-ending journey of self-improvement.

Last time I posted my 'Weekly Wishes' I said I wanted to focus on strengthening my heart chakra by practising forgiveness, love, contentedness and yoga.

Two weeks flitted by and I thought I did pretty good; I bit my tongue when I got frustrated with my parents, I offered to hang out with my young cousins while they are on summer vacation when I would rather have had a Woody Allen marathon, I made concious efforts to put my own convenience to one side in order to make others around me happy.

So far, so "pat me on the back for ain't I good".

Yesterday morning I received my first negative comment.

A lady posted a comment telling me she couldn't finish reading because of my "foul language" and that I wasn't her "cup of tea".

I was stung.... embarrassed, hurt, angry, ashamed. 

 My knee-jerk reaction was "oh my god I've offended someone and the evidence is all over my dirty little blog for all to see...delete, delete, DELEEEETE!"

I deleted her comment and enabled comment moderation for the first time ever. I basically did everything short of running and hiding under my duvet while at the same time telling myself I'd done the right thing by ignoring her and getting rid of any evidence that there could possibly be someone out there who might not dig me or my blog.

But, as the day went on the comment and my reaction to it stuck in my throat like a bad taste. I couldn't shake it.

I started to wonder if I really had done the right thing.

 Was I really being honest with myself by deleting the comment, or my readers for that matter? Is the best response to negativity or criticism to run and hide from it? Was this the reaction of a strong, assertive, self loving person?

No, no...no.

I wish I could go back and un-delete that comment. Deal with it in some other manner or thank her for her honesty, even!

I shouldn't place so much importance on what one person thinks of me or on the impression I want to make on a lot people I don't even know.

 This is my space, my creative outlet. I can write well written and meaningful posts or sloppy posts or drop the occasional S-bomb here and there if I feel so inclined and not expect rainbows to be shot up my ass by every single person who finds themselves reading. 

And I refuse to edit myself! This is me. I can swear and belch AND write about my spirituality and self-improvement at the same time. I won't hide what I'm about and I'll make no apologies. 

I can't please everyone.

 And that's okay.

This is my new promise to myself: Don't shy away from criticism, face it head on and take it on the chin like a bad-ass.

Now, I'm off to disable my comment moderation ^.^

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head in the clouds/ toes in the earth

 Summertime, and the livin' is easy.

The living is easy, indeed. I've never known a summer like it. 

Once September hits and its back to work I know my heart will pine for these long, drawn out days of sun-chair lounging and Vonnegut reading, picking and choosing my waking hours and navigating the country lanes with only the wild horses for company.

I've been taking an hour long stroll most evenings. I love the natural euphoria that occurs when you mix cardio with visual stimulation and Sigur Ros ^.^

There's something about these ice cream flavour skies; blueberry blue and cherry-whipped, I wish I could take a giant spoon and eat up a scoop...

Such magic to be found in summer, 

especially for a daydreamer like me.

I'd love to hear your favourite parts of this season!

don't mind if I do, Mercury

Are we all here? Everyone make it out alive?

You're here reading this so I'm guessing that you did but I'd just go ahead and check your wit and wisdoms are all in order if I were you.

In case you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, until a week ago Mercury was in retrograde.

For us earthly folk this occurrence signals all manner of personal and professional jiggery pokery.

Since the planet Mercury symbolises truth, travel, communication and clear thinking and when a planet goes 'retrograde' it appears to travel backwards in the sky, these things can start to go a bit cuckoo bananas for some us. A bit of a planetary shit storm if you will.

Scan back in your memory between June 26th and July 20th. Anything seem a bit "off" to you?

Were you feeling cloudy and tongue-tied? Experienced problems with travel plans or electrical equipment?

Trouble communicating in your relationship or on the receiving end of wrong information in your personal life?

These are all effects of the pandemonium caused by that little silver planet going retrograde.

BUT, my sources tell me, Mercury in retrograde can also present an opportunity for major emotional and intellectual breakthroughs. A chance for us to, essentially, "get our karmic shit together".

During those weeks that the cosmos spent tripping out I spent a lot of time walking the back-roads behind our house at the magic hour, catching some terrific captures of the sun sinking down behind the treetops along the way. As I pounded the pavements, listened to my music and drank in the sunsets I had ample time to think. To mull over my past and ponder on my future and mentally karate chop some of the doubts and fears holding me back from moving forward.

The outcome? I have a one-way plane ticket booked for London Gatwick in a few weeks time.

It's been nigh on four years since I last lived in the Big Smoke and my heart swells whenever I think about moving back.

So many haunts to revisit, streets to trample down, curry houses to frequent.

How do I begin to describe London? I'd say it's a bit like trying to grab hold of the wind... but here are a few snapshots of my favourite bits + pieces from the place that I am, once again, proud to call home...

<<Brick Lane>>

{{The Shampan curry house on Brick Lane~favourite ^.^}}

When I was 25 years old I announced to my Mom that I was finally ready to fly the coop. A week later I had moved in to a teeny wee bedsit in a tower block near the bottom of the infamous Brick Lane in East London. 

While it can err on the side of being too urban/hipster for it's own good, I will always and forever love this little corner of London for it's utter and unapologetic diversity. You can walk through a multitude of cultures, colors, styles, foods and tastes on just one single cobble-stoned street.

 Pop-up vintage markets and street festivals, book stands and street food riddle Brick Lane on the weekends and you can treat you retinas to Banksy art and graffitied walls, your taste buds to curry house fare and bagel stores and your ear drums to boom-boxed jazz to live Jamaican kettle drums.

In particular I can't wait to refresh myself after an afternoon's browsing with a mint tea in one of the several spit-n-sawdust tea rooms where you can take your pick from worn leather armchairs or Indian-style floor pillows. As I said, diversity definitely is the key word where Brick Lane is concerned!!

<<Notting Hill Carnival>>

I'm seriously happy that I will be back in London this year in time for the annual carnival in the streets of Notting Hill. 

Sequins and jerk chicken and calypso music, oh my!!

Plus the local upper crust loosen up for a few days and throw open the windows of their million pound apartments to have jamming sessions on their windowsills.

Can't beat that, friends!

<<London Fields Park>>

The sunshine suits London to a T and she wears it like a slutty dress.

The only thing to do when the summer is doing what it does best is to pack a picnic and go people watch in the green grass of London Fields. 

Strawberries, clotted cream and scones are non-negotiable!

If it's possible I just made myself even more excited to return!

So thank you for the mind-buzz, Mercury. An open invitation to take your future bull by the horns? Don't mind if I do!

London's calling...

Toot Toot!!

>.<

link party ♢ weekly wishes #4

This week I suffered a personal setback in regards to my application for the degree course I wanted to start this year. After sitting down with the prospectus, a notebook and a calculator I realized that the total monthly fees are going to be higher than I first thought and will be way out of my budget. My heart fell in to my feet when I realized this and that night I tossed and turned till 5 am, mind churning, feeling deflated and disappointed and angry at myself for not realizing sooner.

The following morning, after beating myself up over it all night and feeling pretty exhausted and low-spirited I turned to my best critic and biggest supporter. I talked to my Mom.

How do Mom's do it? After talking it through with her I felt stronger and more determined than ever. This is just a setback. I may not be able to do this particular course, but there will be another course I can do that better suits my budget. It's not defeat, it's simply back to the drawing board. I suppose I have a tendency to catastrophize situations; here I was thinking my dream lay shattered into tiny splinters at my feet. My Mom simply  bent down, picked up the pieces and rearranged them to make a slightly different picture, and I love her for that.

For this week's Weekly Wishes challenge I want to focus on something that will help redirect my mindset and emotional reactions and ultimately help me on my path to following my dream.

I've been teaching myself about the different chakras recently and I've learned some wonderful methods of opening the heart chakra which I think will benefit me in all aspects of my life.

This week I will challenge myself to apply the following methods to awaken my heart chakra because for me, to practise these in your daily life is to be a better, loving, and more accepting person...

~5 Ways to Open Your Heart Chakra~

1. Be love~ don't be a martyr, allow yourself to be loved, especially by yourself

2. Give love~ love others, love unconditionally and unselfishly and whether they are deserving of it or not

3. The grass isn't always greener~ like the quote says "comparison is the thief of joy", be happy with your lot

4. Practise yoga~ camel pose is a great one for clearing a blocked heart chakra

5. Forgive~ even if they are not sorry, let go of past anger, hurt, grief. Don't look back, you're not going that way.

~~~

I think that by trying my hardest to adhere to these pledges this week will definitely be a challenge, but it will help me to let go of certain things I don't need to carry any more and which may have been holding me back in my journey this far.

I'll be back next Monday to let you know how I got on.

If you read the first three words of the previous sentence and thought of Terminator then I love you and we should definitely be friends.

Peace

x

watched// read// listened

So internet, we meet again!

One of the caveats of living in the way back of beyond is an at best unreliable connection to the old "world wide".

At first I was aghast at being so rudely cut off. Unable to instantly check on updates, emails, comments and new posts...the horror!

Until I realized I was just having to suspend all of the "important" things in my life that are really, actually not so important at all.

I am an internet junkie, that's not changing anytime soon, I'm not making any grand professions to swear off facebook for life here or anything but I have learned a happy lesson from this; it's definitely a healthy practise to switch off, log out, forget what's going on in the world wide web and who 'liked' what Johnny ate for breakfast and focus on what's going on in your own day, in your own house, in your own life for a second.

I've been spending my wifi-free time playing with the babies (buddy + jess), stepping up my daily exercise (yoga, walking + jillian michaels kicking my butt) and going to an Alabama 3 gig in Belfast. It's been a low-key, relaxing, just enjoying my own company kind of few weeks. 

I've also used my free time to catch up on some summer listening, watching and reading that has fallen by the wayside due to to much time glued to my laptop screen.

Here's a little round-up of what I've watched, read and listened to over the past 2 weeks:

//watched//

The Perks of Being a Wallflower// I really enjoyed this movie even though I wasn't really expecting to. It's not your typical High School drama, it has much darker themes, great characters and a cool early 90's soundtrack.

I don't care for Emma Watson at all but that didn't spoil the movie for me. Ezra Miller is a highlight, I loved him in We Need to Talk About Kevin too, I think he is definitely going to be a rising star. Also I'd love to meet him on the street one day so I can, you know, congratulate him on his face.

Jules et Jim// I'm in love with French cinema and I have a huge back-log of French film on my hard drive that I am slowly working my way through watching. I loved this François Truffaut movie about the relationship between three sexually free-spirited bourgeois characters in early-20th century France.

//read//

Just Kids by Patti Smith// I'm mid-way though this auto-biography and if it's possible, I love Patti Smith even more. She is an artist through and through, all the way down to her beautiful descriptive writing skills. Reading this makes me ache for that era of 1970's New York, for Beat poets and punk rockers and kindred spirits falling in love.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn// Five pages in I thought I would hate this book. Fifteen pages in and I couldn't put it down. This is a very current and clever crime/mystery novel which masterfully builds and builds the tension and sense of brooding with every turn of the page and has more twists than a plate of spaghetti. Great, great summer read.

//Listened//

The National 'Trouble Will Find Me'// Something about Matt Berninger's voice just sounds like home to me. I've loved everything The National have done so far. They also scored the infamous Red Wedding scene in Game of Thrones. Win.

The Knife 'Shaking the Habitual'// I've been a fan of The Knife since way back in the 'Deep Cuts' days (how is that ten years ago already??) and this new album has been very long awaited. Still absolutely digging their sound.


That's all folks!

✜ Goodbye Millie ✜

It's been a dull, heart-heavy past few days here. Sadly we had to have our baby Maltipoo Millie put to sleep on Friday morning.

It was a truly terrible shock that none of us were expecting and my stomach still clenches like a fist to think that she is gone so suddenly.

She spent her first few days with us normally, playing and licking and running around the house like a normal healthy puppy, but after a few days we noticed her interest in food, water, playing with Jess and even us start to lower dramatically. She was listless, withdrawn and slept the majority of the day in her bed.

Worried, we took her to the vet who couldn't dioagnose a specific problem and said perhaps she had a stomach bug and told us to keep her on a hot water bottle and syringe her meals in to her to get some food in her stomach. After a couple more days of force feeding with no sign of improvement my parents took her back to the vet, she was so fragile, like a baby bird, and we could feel every bone in her body.

When my parents came home they didn't have Millie with them and from one look at their faces I knew what had happened. 

Apparently Millie had meningitis and there was nothing that could be done.

We lost our sweet little bundle of fluff and I'm still trying to make sense of it, we only had her a week but she was completely ours and we were hers and it feels a little more empty in this house without her here.

All we can do is to take all the love we had for her and focus it on this little rascal, Jess, who became so sweet and caring towards Millie in her last few nights.

It was almost like she knew.

☩ smells like spring ☩

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The rain reigns supreme on this Irish Isle, punctuated by flirty peep shows from the warmest sunshine.
Lady Spring is trying her best to nose her way through the grey skies and smile on the earth below.

Baby wild Primrose are starting to appear, scattered flecks of pretty yellow among the foliage that lines our country back roads.

 Whenever we get the chance we are throwing open the windows and letting the clean, sweet smell of green, wet grass fill up our home.

The puppies are seeking out the sporadic sunny patches on the floor and collapsing onto them for a few minutes of content sun bathing.

This faux-spring fever has my hands twitching and fingers itching to be dipped in plant pot earth or kneading dough. Something in the air, the sweet freshness, the smell of a new season always has me clucking to clean and bake and create.

I can't wait till the earth is warmed up enough for picnic dates, loose dresses, bike rides and trips to the blackberry bushes.

Until then I'm hunting new blooms through the raindrops on the car window, curling up with good reads and the sound of birdsong from the garden, and walking little puppy legs through freshly mowed grass.

Move along Winter, the smell of Spring is here ^.^

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tea + blood

Finn, Kieran and me ^.^

 

 

It's been a blissful few days around this house.

We had a short but incredibly sweet visit from my aunt, uncle and beautiful cousins from London.

There's was lots of regaling of family stories from my Mother and her sister around the kitchen table, trips to the town, home baked scones, Irish stew, family bonding, hiding out in the living room in front of the fire at night and finding sunny windows to sit next to and read, relax and talk during the day.

 

And there was tea, lots and lots of tea.

Blood ties and good tea is a sure fire way to raise this gals spirits .

 



 

 

on turning thirty

Hello there April 2013, how on earth did you get here so quick?

You're sudden arrival marks the month I will say so-long to my twenties and turn the big three-o.

I told my body to stop at 25 but it seems to have stubbornly marched on with the aging process anyhow.

It's with a certain ambivalence that I approach this milestone in my life.

My twenties has been a reckless decade, filled with abandon and reverie, travel and experience, passion and love and friendships and heartaches.

 It's been wild, it's been beautiful, and I regret nothing.

At this tipping point between my final few weeks as a twenty-something and becoming a thirty-something, I'm less preoccupied with getting older than with refocusing my life goals.

I'll take that first wrinkle, the extra cellulite and the random hairs that start to spring up in unexpected places.

That's the unending march of time and there's not one of us that can do anything to change that.

What I can do is look back on the last ten years and learn from them.

While my twenties were wonderful, they certainly weren't without faults.

 There were mistakes and bad judgments, naive decisions and just plain wrong choices. There were times were I presented myself in a way that I have since been ashamed of.

However none of those were a waste as long as I learned a little something from them and use them as a marker in my future choices and decision making.

This is my first promise to thirty year old Louise...be accountable and learn from your past mistakes.

I feel like I dealt with my twenties the way I'd deal with a large bowl of salty caramel ice cream with hot fudge sauce. Savoring every spoonful, enjoying the flavor and the smell and the coolness of it and licking the bowl out at the bottom.

I've reached the bottom of the bowl.

So that flavor was amazing, but what do I want to try next? I'd like to use this new phase of my life to take care of myself, my mind and my body could do with a little less recklessness and a little more TLC.

I want to be kind and to love and to show appreciation.

 To practice acceptance with the past and to always remember that all of my experiences to date, the bad and the good, have shaped the woman I am today. 

I want to focus on the things I am good at and shape them into a career that I will love and be passionate about. I want to marry my love and be a mama and fulfill that ache I've been feeling for the past few years whenever I see a beautiful baby. 

I want to write and create, to surround myself with beautiful people and things and above all to make myself proud.

If my twenties were caramel and hot fudge I'll take my thirties without the hot fudge.

Still delicious, still to be savored and enjoyed, but a tad less unhealthy.

And that, friends, is something I'm ready to celebrate

 ^.^