Sometimes I wish I could hammer a nail into the centre of my forehead and wear a sign there that reads "Work in progress".
Thanks to Melyssa's lovely link-up I've been reminding myself daily that it's really ok to trip up and fall down, to muddy my cheeks and scuff up my boots. It's the striving for better-ness along the way that counts. I don't believe that a 'perfect' human being exists, rather our whole lives are one big never-ending journey of self-improvement.
Last time I posted my 'Weekly Wishes' I said I wanted to focus on strengthening my heart chakra by practising forgiveness, love, contentedness and yoga.
Two weeks flitted by and I thought I did pretty good; I bit my tongue when I got frustrated with my parents, I offered to hang out with my young cousins while they are on summer vacation when I would rather have had a Woody Allen marathon, I made concious efforts to put my own convenience to one side in order to make others around me happy.
So far, so "pat me on the back for ain't I good".
Yesterday morning I received my first negative comment.
A lady posted a comment telling me she couldn't finish reading because of my "foul language" and that I wasn't her "cup of tea".
I was stung.... embarrassed, hurt, angry, ashamed.
My knee-jerk reaction was "oh my god I've offended someone and the evidence is all over my dirty little blog for all to see...delete, delete, DELEEEETE!"
I deleted her comment and enabled comment moderation for the first time ever. I basically did everything short of running and hiding under my duvet while at the same time telling myself I'd done the right thing by ignoring her and getting rid of any evidence that there could possibly be someone out there who might not dig me or my blog.
But, as the day went on the comment and my reaction to it stuck in my throat like a bad taste. I couldn't shake it.
I started to wonder if I really had done the right thing.
Was I really being honest with myself by deleting the comment, or my readers for that matter? Is the best response to negativity or criticism to run and hide from it? Was this the reaction of a strong, assertive, self loving person?
I wish I could go back and un-delete that comment. Deal with it in some other manner or thank her for her honesty, even!
I shouldn't place so much importance on what one person thinks of me or on the impression I want to make on a lot people I don't even know.
This is my space, my creative outlet. I can write well written and meaningful posts or sloppy posts or drop the occasional S-bomb here and there if I feel so inclined and not expect rainbows to be shot up my ass by every single person who finds themselves reading.
And I refuse to edit myself! This is me. I can swear and belch AND write about my spirituality and self-improvement at the same time. I won't hide what I'm about and I'll make no apologies.
I can't please everyone.
And that's okay.
This is my new promise to myself: Don't shy away from criticism, face it head on and take it on the chin like a bad-ass.
Now, I'm off to disable my comment moderation ^.^
Wanna join the party every Monday?